He did WHAT!
by Iamsecretlynot
Summary: Based on prompt; "Don't do anything stupid till i get back." Slight Romanogers. Bucky and Steve friendship.


He did... WHAT!

"Hey Barnes."

Bucky glanced up from his book to see Clint trot in, with a thick folder under his arm. The solider acknowledged him with a slight nod. "Barton."

And with that he returned to his book, ignoring the archer. He figured that this was just another routine checkup that Steve had ordered to make sure nobody was hiding any injuries. In reality, that sounded like something Steve would do, but all figured it wise not to argue. They all felt tense right now with short tempers ranging high, especially the captain, and nobody wanted to be shot or hit with a super solider fist-let alone shield. But to Bucky's surprise and confusion, Clint sat down next to him and put the folder on his lap.

"I thought that you might want to read this." He said.

Bucky raised his eyebrows. He had noticed a mischievous smirk playing across the assassin's face. But he was curious. And they both knew that if the folder held anything that might harm him, Steve would make Clint regret that he was even born. So he reached for the folder, turning it over in his hands.

The folder had on it big, bold, uneven letters that read; STUPID THINGS STEVE HAS DONE. REVISED EDITION.

Bucky felt his jaw drop ajar. Steve? Do stupid things? But, he distinctively remembered telling him not to do anything stupid till he got back. What was the meaning of this? Clint chuckled inwardly at Barnes face. This... This moment was worth all the pain and sneaking around he had to go through to get this information. And with that, he slipped away to find Steve. He wanted to have a good view when the show began.

Barnes barely noticed Clint leave. He was to busy scanning the 12 page, double sided, small print document in front of him. The contents of it are as follows.

STUPID THINGS STEVE HAS DONE. REVISED EDITION.

Sources are; S.H.I.E.l.D. Files, Tony Stark, Natasha Romanoff, Clint Barton, Sam Wilson, Thor, Bruce Banner, Etc.

Complied by; Pleasedon'tkillme Barton

1\. For picking fights with bullies. (Big surprise)

2\. For even THINKING of joining the army. (SERIOUSLY. He had HEALTH PROBLEMS)

3\. For lying on your enlistment forms. (Tsk,tsk.)

4\. For being so brave and adorable. (Red-head's words, not mine.)

5\. For allowing the army make him into a selling bonds kinda guy. (Dancing monkey or lab rat? That's messed up.)

6\. For going to save Bucky with only a stage prop helmet. :(

7\. For not reaching Bucky in time. :'(

8\. For letting that showgirl kiss you. :/

9\. For making Peggy so mad that she shot your shield. :)

10\. For not kissing Peggy sooner. ;)

11\. For not kissing Peggy more than once. ;')

12\. For missing your date. :0

13\. For not knowing how to dance. (These emoji's are awesome!)

14\. For losing Peggy's picture and compass. (How do you make an angry emoji?)

15\. For making Howard Stark neglect his son. (I guess this isn't really stupid-but hey, cut me some slack.)

16\. For not signing Phil Coulson's trading cards. (Vintage. Mint condition. Only slight wear on the edges.)

17\. For fighting two legends-with only A SHIELD. (REALLY!? :)

18\. For not hitting the red lever fast enough. (Gotta ask Tony on this one... :]

19\. For insulting Tony Stark. (Um-guess this is stupid?)

20\. For not knowing what Star Wars is. (Wonder if he knows about Luke's father?)

21\. For not knowing about Star Trek. :/

22\. For thinking Star Wars and Star Trek is the same thing. (#IDIDNOTJUSTHEARTHAT.)

23\. For being a perfect gentleman. (Um?#ConfusedClint)

24\. For keeping a notebook about everything he's confused about. ( Maybe I should do this...)

25\. For ALWAYS telling Sam, 'On your left.' (Personally, I love this one. :)

26\. For not going on a date with a girl from statistics. (O-okay. O.o)

27\. For not going on a date with a girl with piercings. (Don't blame him.)

28\. For not going on a date with anyone Natasha asked him to date. (Oh #thisishilarous #wishiwasthere.)

29\. For not asking Natasha on a date. (#firsttimeagreeingwithsam)

30\. For letting Sam think that Natasha was your girlfriend.( #thisisamazing #howsam?)

31\. For thinking his neighbor was cute-she's agent 13 for crying out loud. ( ... #notgoingthere)

32\. For letting Natasha use his shield as a boost. (She could have gotten hurt!)

33\. For not telling Clint that Thor broke his kids Lego. (#ANGERYHAWK #Daddymode)

34\. For telling poor Bruce that Natasha had never flirted with anyone like that. :0

35\. For letting the Winter Solider to tear apart Sam's car. ( muhahahaha!)

36\. For betraying Brooklyn for New Jersey. (W.O.W. #Noidea)

37\. For telling Natasha to close the portal. (Sure-Tony got out in time,but...#Madtony)

38\. For not notifying Miss Potts about the Accords. (Seriously. She could have stopped the whole mess.)

39\. For not understanding cell-phones. (#poorsteve #lovehastags #loveemojis #lovephone #lovearrows #lovesleep #lovecoffee #loveunderstanding)

40\. For being sooo awkward about spy stuff. (Geez Cap, pleaseeee be just a little less awkward. :/)

41\. For yelling, "I UNDERSTOOD THAT REFERENCE!" :( :|

42\. For thinking that Tony and Bruce don't speak English. (Muhahahaha. #thisisamazing)

43\. For letting Natasha steal Tony's sweatshirt. ( #goNat!)

44\. For not letting Natasha put her feet up on the dash. (o.O)

45\. For letting Natasha kiss him. (what. #hawkinshock)

46\. For jumping out planes without a parachute. (#barnesisgonnaflip)

47\. For not killing Zola when he had the chance. (?)

48\. For doing all he could to make Bucky remember him-even doing dangerous things. (what. W.O.W.)

49\. For starting a trend of everyone coming to Sam's apartment. (#iwashidingonyourporch #causeiloveyou #everyoneweknowistrying #tokillus)

50\. For not pointing out that the gov. tried to nuke New York. (Why didn't we think of this.)

51\. For thinking that Pepper was pregnant. ( #daddysteve? :) #Starkannoyed)

52\. For making everyone who meets him awestruck. (Ha. #finemaybeitstrue)

53\. For beating Stark to an answer about phase 2. (Hey, #isensejealousstark.)

54\. For having the national anthem as his theme song. (O.o)

55\. For being such a prefect specimen that he looks like a Dorito. (:P #thisishysterical)

56\. For being able to hide like a turtle behind his shield. ( .)

57\. For being scared of woman outside of work. (Huh.)

58\. HE CAN CRACK WOOD WITH HIS BARE HANDS. (Off topic-wait, HE CAN?! #poutinghawk)

59\. For saying 'Language,' to Tony. (Haha.)

60\. For looking to Natasha for approval before allowing Barton to fly a plane. :}

61\. To be stupid enough to do stupid things after Bucky told you not to do stupid things. ~Revised Edition. ...

Steve stared his hand, wondering what in the world was a whale doing with a unicorn's horn. He was playing go fish with Sam, Wanda, and Scott, and so far he was doing terrible. Wanda was winning, to nobody's surprise. (They all knew that she read their minds.) So it was a welcome distraction when Clint wandered in, looking as if trying to convince everyone that he was a innocent little baby. No one was fooled and he drew up a chair, pretending that they had been fooled. They just ignored him.

"Got a narwhal?" Sam asked Steve. Steve gave him a blank look and Sam sighed.

"It looks like a deformed unicorn." Clint said in a very helpful, but condescending tone. Steve glared at him. But Sam was given the failed lab experiment whale thingy. And so the game continued, with Wanda winning hands down. Clint joined in at the next round, to help liven up the game. (Go fish was the only game that Wanda and Scott could be made to understand.) And just as Wanda prepared to ask Steve for her last match,(a whale,) they all heard Bucky scream, " STEVEN GRANT ROGERS! WHEN I FIND YOU, YOU'RE GONNA BE SORRY!"

With a gasp Steve knocked over his chair in his haste and had nearly made it to the door when Bucky appeared in the doorway. His face was almost purple-red as he waved a folder in Steve's face. "Steven Rogers," he hissed. "I asked you to do one thing, ONE THING. And what do you do? Do that one thing, over and over again! This-here he tapped Steve's head-this is twelve pages, DOUBLE SIDED!"

"Uh-oh." Steve mumbled, unable to meet Bucky's eye.

"Uh-oh indeed!" He snapped.

The rest of the team stared in amazement. They had never in their entire life seen anything like this. Clint was nearly beside himself.

"Jumping out of planes without parachutes! You could have died! From now on, you better wear one!"

"Yes sir."

"And you better ask Natasha out!"

Steve made a choking sound. "WHAT?!"

Clint's mouth dropped open. This was going better than he thought it would.

"You heard me! And since you're going to act like a thickhead and pretend that you don't like each other, I suggest that you follow my lead and let me coach you on the best way to ask a girl out."

"B-but," Steve tried to protest.

"No buts about it, little mister. It's about time that you get a girlfriend."

And with that, Bucky marched out of the room with Steve protesting behind him. There was dead silence in the room for a couple of seconds as everyone figured out what had just happened. Then the reality sunk in. Bucky was going to force Steve to ask The Black Widow out on a date. Sam and Clint were rolling on the floor laughing, while Scott and Wanda chuckled. But finally they quick laughing and left, having more important things to do. Sam and Clint however, just lay there laughing for hours. Who knew that such a dirty prank could have such results?

* * *

If i get enough people to like this, then I will make a second chapter involving poor Steve asking Natasha out with Bucky hovering in the background.


End file.
